If you’re a parent, you’ve probably experienced guilt. Your toddler won’t eat the healthy dinner you’ve prepared, so you give them toast instead of vegetables. You find yourself saying "in a minute" too many times. And when you need a few minutes to yourself, you put the TV on. All of it can cause guilt.
Many parents face an internal battle every day, especially mums. If you put all your effort into your career, you worry you’re not being an adequate parent. If you’re trying to reach the high bar society has set for mothers, you’re left without the space you need for your career — or to breathe.
Of the many things we feel guilty about, screen time is near the top. A 2024 study by an international team of researchers found that this guilt not only eats away at parents, but can cause additional stress which can affect the relationship they have with their children.
But crucially, many parents find themselves with no other option than to turn on the TV or tablet because they can’t access the childcare they need .
No wraparound care
“Parents know that reducing screen time is a good thing so banging the same drum that it's bad just leads to guilt when screen time isn't always a choice,” says Rachel Carrell, CEO and founder of childcare organisation Koru Kids .
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Research by the organisation, which surveyed 2,024 UK working mothers of children aged four to 11, found children are spending an average of 1.5 hours on a screen or device after school. This is mainly because their parents can’t afford after-school or “wraparound” care.
Some 29% of parents had a problem accessing wraparound care because sessions were full or not offered. For those who were able to access it, 88% had problems with the provision available, 50% struggled to afford it, and 40% said the days and hours aren’t flexible enough.
It can be even more challenging to find childcare for children with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND). According to the Coram Family and Childcare’s annual Childcare Survey , just 6% of councils say they have sufficient childcare provision for SEND children.
Without childcare, parents need to find other ways to work their hours at home — and screens can keep children occupied.
“Making parents feel bad about this is just unhelpful when working parents desperately need the government to invest in childcare in the UK,” says Carrell.
“Our careers are becoming more and more flexible, but childcare isn't. Parents are restricted by the ways that they are able to access funding for childcare support — and many government schemes can't be used for flexible wraparound care options.”
Are screens so bad?
Reducing screen time is no bad thing. Without screens, younger children have more time to engage in physical activities, social interactions and imaginative play. While certain types of technology can enhance the way older children learn and socialise, excessive screen use can take a toll on their bodies and minds.
However, it’s important to take a nuanced view of screen usage. Often, studies about the negative impact of screens show correlation but not causation . Meta-analyses are one of the best research tools we can use, because they compare the outcomes of different studies to see if there are any common denominators. But even in these, the findings aren’t crystal clear.
For example, a recent meta-analysis of 18 studies examined the relationship between screen time and depression. There were almost 250,000 participants, but no overall, meaningful link was uncovered. Ultimately, the risk of depression depended on various factors like age, gender, location, screen time duration and socio-economic status.
Another meta-analysis involving 7,000 children explored the relationship between screen time and executive functioning skills. There was no relationship between these cognitive problems and screen use.
So, screens aren’t necessarily inherently bad. The negative effects we see are down to screen time replacing other activities, like playing outside and socialising with other kids.
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“Screen time isn’t the demon it’s often made out to be, and, like anything, it’s about balance,” says Lucy Kemp , future of work expert and employee engagement consultant. “Screens are a tool, not just a toy, and the reality is that our kids will be using them for the rest of their lives.
“Growing up with screens is part of learning how to engage with the world, from technology in schools to future workplaces that are increasingly digital. For parents, choosing content that’s engaging, interactive, or educational can make a big difference.”
But, Kemp adds, using screens isn’t a failure in parenting. “It’s giving kids a skill they’ll need as they grow up, and getting comfortable with technology now could even be an advantage for them down the line,” she says.
What parents can do to reduce screen time
If you are worried that the balance is tipping in favour of screens, there are steps you can take.
Speak to your boss
Speaking to your employer about the reality of balancing work and family is essential. “Many employers are open to making adjustments when they understand the real challenges their employees face, and by starting these conversations, we can build a better environment for everyone,” says Kemp.
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Practically speaking, it can help to approach your boss with a plan. For example, if you’re struggling between the hours of 3pm and 5pm, see if you can do a split shift or make up the hours at another time. Your company may have other options available too, such as childcare vouchers.
Not all screens are equal
Children’s TV can be educational. There are plenty of programmes and YouTube channels dedicated to helping children learn things like counting, number recognition and spelling. Nursery rhymes can help children develop an ear for music — which is beneficial for development.
If you need some time to yourself, try engaging your child in a puzzle or a craft activity. Charity shops are great for finding new toys. Some libraries have workstations and small indoor play areas, which can be helpful for remote workers. If you can’t find suitable childcare options near you, some local charities — like SELFA in North Yorkshire — may be able to help.
Let go of the guilt
The guilt we feel is often misplaced, because of misunderstandings over what children need to thrive. Research shows that quality, not quantity, is what matters when it comes to parenting — and studies suggest that children benefit from having working parents.
One Wharton study , for instance, found that when parents viewed work as a top priority and found their jobs challenging and rewarding, their kids were less likely to have behavioural problems.
Read more: How to progress in your career without becoming a manager
Another study , carried out across 24 countries with more than 31,000 participants, found that children of working mothers grow up with more egalitarian views — and enjoy better careers, higher pay, and more equal relationships than those raised by stay-at-home mothers.
“We’re bombarded with advice on what we should be doing, from limiting screen time to preparing organic meals and ensuring children are always mentally stimulated. The reality, though, is that many of these expectations are simply unrealistic,” says Kemp.
“There’s a disconnect between the idealised parenting standards society pushes and the realities most parents are facing. It’s no wonder parents, especially working mothers, feel guilty when they rely on screens for a bit of peace or productivity. Society hasn’t quite caught up to what modern families really need, and it’s parents who bear the brunt of that mismatch.”
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